School Psychologist

Adolescent Mental Health

The Thin Line - Normal or Abnormal
Teenage behavior is not black and white...

It’s a stressful task to distinguish if your teenager is displaying behaviors of a disturbed or self-destructive teen, especially since the period of adolescence is notorious for its unpredictable mood changes. If one then includes the fact that different degrees of certain behaviors exist, telling normal from abnormal can seem impossible. As a concerned parent you may turn to books on parenting for answers.

But really, what exactly does “uncontrollable bursts of anger” mean? How can an average parent tell the difference between this defiant teen textbook trait and how their teenage girl acts when she’s PMS’ing! Yes, it’s hard. But before racking your brain with possible answers, keep this simple fact in mind—teenage behavior is not black and white. As much as books may want to define things and fit them conveniently into a neat box, in reality things aren’t that simple. Your teenager may exhibit behavior which may fall in the category of a rainbow of grays! And when things don’t seem as obvious as you would wish them to be, don’t panic. 

Expectations play a large part in the manner which we perceive our children. Your view of “normal” for your individual teenager should depend on his/her stage of development, but remember that this differs from child to child no matter what the age.

Another matter to consider is how the areas of development of a teen each have their own rates of progress/growth. For instance, your teen’s social skills may be way ahead of his intellectual progress. Also, the context (place/time) of a teenager’s behavior plays a large part itself. Where he/she was brought up, family ideals/beliefs, community, and culture are all factors that establish “normal” behavior.

A particular example of how culture can determine normal behavior exists in the contrast of foreign cultures with that of the U.S. Some traditional Asian countries have certain ways of speaking to their elders. Sometimes distinct words/phrases are customary to show respect for an elder. In these countries, teenagers who don’t show respect with these words may already be considered ‘defiant’ by members of their society, even if they may not be seen as ‘defiant’ by those from the U.S.

It is important to take the time to comprehend the unique way your teenager develops. This is the key to understanding his behavior and in result either adjust it or accept it while adapting your own behavior accordingly. Keep in mind that your teens each have their own behaviors, levels of development, and temperaments.

Your reaction to your child’s behavior depends on your own understanding of problem behavior.

It has been a usual issue of parents to make a big deal out of some short-range behavioral changes, when in actuality minor changes can be normal. On the other hand, there are parents who also prefer to overlook excessive behavioral problems which genuinely may need attention. These parents may offer easy solutions to deep issues which actually need proper concentration. These two extremes of possible parental reactions may make the resolution process longer for a child.

What parents may consider “problem” behavior can also vary from family to family. The way a parent himself was brought up, may be a definite factor in their perception of an unruly or difficult teen.

Behavior problems can be bumps in the road through adolescence or they can be indications of more serious issues including substance abuse or mental health problems.  Check the navigation bar for more information on issues that affect adolescents.